Islamic Etiquette

Hopefully you have read the guidance to Muslim Dating and marriage and understand the basics prevailing to how you can meet a potential suitor the halal way. Below is some guidance on the appropriate way to conduct yourself in a meeting with a potential suitor. If you’re on a Muslim date or at a Muslim Marriage event try to apply Islamic values in your approach to finding a Muslim partner.

For many Muslims, the process of finding a spouse can sometimes prove challenging and frustrating. During this time not only do brothers and sisters have to wrestle with their own personal quirks, but they also have expectations about the potential mates they are considering. From a sister's point of view, a suitor can exhibit subtle but significant traits that turn her away from wanting to continue with getting to know a brother for Islamic marriage.

In essence the information below is written with the assumption that a sister is more likely to be pious and virtuous, as their freedoms to boast and play the field are curtailed and far more restrictive, however the points below can easily apply to women in a liberal societies.

11 Ways to impress using Islamic Etiquette.

The following are the top 11 issues that can help both men and women to develop a mutual interest and continue communication:

11. Dress to Impress
Generally, when meeting with a suitor, sisters put a lot of effort into presenting themselves respectfully and in a composed manner. A brother who is going to visit his potential wife should reciprocate in like. Remember – first impression, lasting impression. During the first meetings, it is important for the brother to dress decently. Nothing fancy or bling-blingy, just make sure you dress with a purpose.
10. Kitchen Politics
Some girls do not like being directly asked, “What dishes can you cook?”, or when a trolley is rolled out during a visit, “What did she make from these items?” Cooking is something anyone can easily learn after marriage, and most do, so please do not ask this question directly. You suitor is not your cook or mother! However nothing wrong with asking about how she sees herself as a home maker and house wife.
9. Information Highway
Don't spread information about a sister that you're talking to. At this delicate stage in a relationship, a brother should be very discreet and guard the privacy of the sister he is communicating with as its common courtesy and respect. Don't inadvertently ruin sister’s chances by being overly chatty about your courting escapades.
8. Call Back
If they are not interested in a sister then have the courtesy to tell her or family ASAP. It won't break her heart if you do so…but not calling and making her family wait for days upon days until they give up hope in the proposal… is rude and may reflect badly upon you.
7. Sharing is Caring
Be sure to show that you've put some thought into the meeting. This can easily be done by bringing a cake, some flowers, or other items with you to the visit. In most Islamic countries and in Islam, bringing gifts is a symbolic gesture reflects well as a future husband who wants to be a provider.
6. Pathways to Citizenship
Please do not marry a girl just because she has a foreign passport or is a citizen of the U.S./U.K./Canada if all else is not compatible with her. It is an insult to choose a girl just for her nationality and then coerce her to change herself to suit your other requirements. This also violates the tenets of finding a partner the sincere way, leads to future problems and we at Halal Singles believe it is a path for ruin.
5. Don't be a jokester
Seriously, if you want to impress the lady, you have to come off as a serious man. If you're funny, that's a great quality, but not when the girl is sizing you up as a future bread-winner plus role model for kids plus protector (i.e. men are “Qawwaam” over women).
4. Avoid over sharing
Some brothers actually mention to the sister the number of girls they've seen for marriage (not for information purposes, but for boasting purposes). Never, ever joke about or carelessly mention other girls you may have been involved with for marriage in the past or other girls you're interested in at present. Be in the moment, and know that a sister is sensitive to comparisons.
3. To See or Not to See
Before meeting a sister in person, some brothers prefer to see a picture of the sister. Approach the whole picture/seeing her thing gently. It's really easy for a brother to come off rude if he doesn't ask or approach this properly. Some tips for approaching the picture topic graciously: volunteer your picture first.
2. Put All the Major Cards on the Table.
This may be tricky, but try to establish expectations early as possible with the right judgment and seek advice from parents, elders, and other couples. You want to live with your parents? How many kids do you want? Do you want sister to observe hijab before other male relatives? Do you want sister to wear niqab or not? Will you prevent the sister from working after marriage? Make sure you marry someone who wants the same things that you do, it's best to disagree and move on now than it is to emotionally invest in someone who is pulling in a different direction on issues that you don't feel like you can budge on. It's not about being confrontational but rather about being honest and upfront about how you see yourself living and whether the potential suitor can see them in that same situation happily too.
1. Be honest.
At all times. Some matters may be delicate but then be upfront and tell them instead of telling an untruth. If you are not comfortable say so, in order to help your suitor understand your boundaries, but avoid hiding facts that you know could be detrimental in the future. Being open and honest will pay dividends, we are all exposed to the complexities of life which most people understand. Those that do not understand or appreciate your honesty or are unforgiving of your past, it is better that you know from the onset. If they love your imperfections, than you’re many steps closer to happiness.

"Marry those among you who are spouseless and the virtuous among your male and fevmale slaves (thereby freeing them), if they are poor, Allah will enrich them of His bounty; Allah is Embracing, Knowing.” (24.32)

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