Virtues of a Muslim partner

Normally the criteria for selecting matrimonial mates are many: wealth, beauty, rank, character, congeniality, compatibility, religion, etc. The Quran enjoins Muslims to select partners who are good and pure (tayyib). To get the best out of Muslim Dating ensure you know what qualities you should be looking for in a potential Muslim partner.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (deen) and character.

Seeking a Wife

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (saws) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.

Qualities of the Pious Women

What actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.

"And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" [Qur'an 24:26]

"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard" [Qur'an 4:34]

In surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities, which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:

  • a Muslim woman
  • who dresses modesty
  • is devout woman
  • who is patient and constant
  • who humbles herself
  • who gives to charity
  • who fasts and denies herself
  • who guards her chastity
  • who engages much in Allah's praise
Seeking a Husband

Every Muslim woman who seeks marriage in Islam should be aware that you are seeking a person to not only be a husband, friend, lover, partner, and all those good things; but you are seeking someone to be the imam of your home and family. Of course you want him to be a kind, generous, patient, good-natured, healthy, attractive (to you), and a god –fearing husband and Imam of your home. Nevertheless, as a woman, you need to be clear about what you really want and seek in a marriage. Many sisters say they want one thing but when they get it, it turns out that it’s not what they really want. Don’t say you want a strong man, and then resent his strength when he tries to lead, or say you want a knowledgeable man, and want him to disregard his knowledge and follow yours or someone else’s whim, and don’t say you want a god-fearing, pious man, and then oppose him when he wants to direct his family to piety. If a woman wants a man who has these good qualities then she should seek that type of man, and not be overtaken by his looks, his swagger, his car, his walk or his talk.

Often women will expect a man to change according to their needs, this can lead to issues. If you married him for the wrong reasons or for the right reasons, it is not his duty to bend to your will after marriage, as you married him for the qualities you had already learned, but any changes you ask are a request and ensure they are Islamic.

What are the specific qualities to look for?
  • You have to know something about his background, his family, his upbringing, his history.
  • Family background is important. You want to know what kind of family he came from.
  • Does he pray or even know how to pray?
  • Does he know about purification? Does he know how and when to perform a ghusl, the proper manner of wudu, and the performance of istin’jaa?
  • Is he employed? Does he have halal income?
  • Does he take care of himself?
  • Who are his friends? Are they practicing Muslims? The Prophet (SAWS) said: “A person is upon the religion of his close friend (khalil)”.
  • What is the relationship with his mother? If he doesn’t honour and respect his mother, then there is risk to your future, however this is all depends if parent’s commit sin against the son then investigate, don’t make blind judgements. His behaviour is a trait itself.
  • Does he attend Jum’ah prayer or does he make invalid excuses?

There are many other virtues that fulfil a definition of a good Muslim; a non-practicing Muslim is not necessarily a bad person, if you can see the potential that your suitor aspires to become a better one. After all hope is a trait in Islam and if you can assist with a potential suitor who needs a more devoted Muslim spouse to assist them, then it’s a positive way to bond together. Accept that not everyone appears to be a suitor but has the potential to become one if you ask the right questions and trust your own instincts.

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